Regret, surely not from Carrion's blog


Her defenses were melting, ice-cold droplets dribbled down her spine as that frozen heart thawed. Each step she felt cracks forming, small fissures that weakened as the distance between them grew. The pain started as something she could ignore, little more than a dull throb in her chest that gradually spread downward until nausea bloomed. Like a spore, it settled in her gut and started spreading through her veins, infecting every small part of her until there was nothing left but self-loathing.

Nothing could describe the feeling of being trapped inside the body of something that repulsed you. When the monster was you, and try as you might it could not be purged. There was no escape, no way out except death. Jungle vines hung from a myriad of sprawling trees, and the sky above could barely be seen through the thick blanket of green that glistened. Yajisa would have told her to pay closer attention to that, but Yajisa didn’t understand the pain.

Carrion felt the tears, they welled up inside and finally spilled. The first trace of wetness upon her lower lashes, and the dam broke. A torrential rush of feeling came from that heart, and it was the thing responsible for drowning them. Spreading upward, she cried out as her trembling limbs collapsed upon the jungles ivy-coated floor. Her body wretched, the sound that came from her lips of desperation and heartbreak incarnated into the physical world.

Ugly sobbing, followed by a distressed wail that frightened nearby feathered things from the underbrush. Their bright wings reflected fragments of light that were and would always be so beautiful, but she did not see them. She saw only the emptiness in his eyes that matched her own, and heard only that they should have had more time. Both were pushed aside by the thoughts. I hate you. I hate you. “I HATE YOU!” Another bird darted frantically from the shrubbery as those words pierced the canopy and reached the sky.

To her wrists then, peeling back layers of skin with her own nails until her flesh was raw and weeping. As if that would help correct the problem, as if there was any possible solution in mind save pushing forward and hoping that any part of her path was the right one. The woman was a wraith in a world that did not care, and the one person that did she might have ruined forever. She knew it, she felt it in every inch of her body. And claw as she might, Carrion couldn’t scratch away what she had done.

Two days alone with her thoughts, and it had started with her cries devoured by the jungle as sand flies and midges took turns sipping from her skin. Until she was a ball on the ground, rocking bath and forth with no tears left. Finally falling still, with eyes to the stars she could not see. Exhausted, emotionally and mentally. Physically. The female yearned deeper than she had in a long time, and once her passions were expressed, the conviction slipped back in. Many had said she was weak, but she still walked. Maybe she didn’t need -him- to offer healing after all. Maybe she had a reason now to find it on her own. So she pushed herself up, stood tall and continued walking. The path wound long and tiresome, rarely traveled. Eventually it would lead her to the sea.

Previous post     
     Next post
     Blog home

The Wall

No comments
You need to log in to comment
Password protected image
Password protected image
Password protected image